Six Years

Six years ago, my first child was born. It was also my first surgical birth. I have since gone on to have one hospital VBAC, and another baby born at home (called an HBAC). Even so, I still think about that day often. It was the birth of my son. Certainly a joyous occasion. The aftermath of the surgery left me angry, sad, frustrated, depressed, anxious, and in physical pain that lasted for months.

Someone said recently that looking at a cesarean birth negatively is not helpful. That it accomplishes nothing. It was suggested that cesarean mothers should focus on the idea that we made the best decision at the time.

The last six years I have experienced a roller coaster of emotions. Every step of this path has been fruitful. The journey I have undertaken has made me a very different person than I was before my first child was born. I would have done a great disservice to myself and my future children if I had brushed aside my feelings of guilt, loss and anger. I would have denied myself the power of doing better when I know better.

If I had never processed my feelings about the birth I very likely would have been cut two more times. I would have continued my blind faith in the medical profession. I am a much stronger person now, not only for giving birth instead of being delivered, but also for educating myself on how the choices I made affected the outcome of the birth. Because in my case I did NOT make the best decision at the time.